The 21st century has undeniably seen a rise in the popularity of the queer male genre, and whilst it’s nice to see the general population finally seeing how entertaining we are, it’s equally interesting what areas of queerness get the limelight. As a gay man I am appreciative of the rising trend in discussion of the typical emotions endured by those who identify with the label, however the discussions are often done through dramatically dark lenses that are overly-sinical or only apply to minor, more ‘exciting’ minorities. Queer media is undeniably an interesting way of reflecting on how the wider world is open to learning about broader sexual horizons, as long as what they learn is rooted in trauma or grossly exciting intimacy. 

An important point of reference is the wider audience that many lgbtq+ projects are aimed at, typically many of whom are women drawn in by the excitement of unrelatable and completely unexplored intimacy. Many of the most popular modern releases are adaptations of equally popular books. Think Red White and Royal Blue, Call me By your name, and 2026’s crowning achievement in entertainment so far being Heated Rivalry. Whilst a fair few gay men definitely read these novels or watched their adaptations, the female audience they acquired are arguably the real reason that the adaptations were so successful (especially when it comes to Heated Rivalry). Each of these stories centre sex, trauma and a sense of painful yearning that means the characters spend a good portion of the plot in a state of depression. A happy ending alone isn’t enough to justify the level of somber that these stories rely on in order to make the entire narrative worth reading or watching. It ultimately comes back to the fact that queer love alone is not enough to make popular media, there has to be a severe sense of grief or raunch that balances the blandness of two men loving each other. 

It’s reasonable to argue that a lot of straight films also see this, 50 shades and 365 days gained massive attention at their respective releases for the level of ambition in representing sex. However, in parallel there are an outstanding number of centrally heteronormative films that have gained success without needing to be so explicit. Your average romcom may involve an exaggerated moment of drama- a big lie is finally revealed like in 10 things I hate about you, or a previous relationship gets in the way like The Wedding Singer, for example. Neither of which compares to the glorification of an age gap like in Call me By your name, or the fact that Heated Rivalry’s premiere consisted of 30% of the episodes running involving on-screen nudity. This brings us back to our issue with the audience, the average gay man could easily talk to you about the corrupt normalisation of age gaps in the gay community. However, for anyone outside of this community, shows and films like these feel educational or shocking in a way that is constantly capitalised on. Whilst there are elements of these films that ring true to a lot of people, like with Heated Rivalry’s themes of connection and loneliness, it’s pushing the idea that this is all queer media has to give.

The over-saturation of these kinds of films and shows becomes more apparent when looking at sub-topics of intimacy. Two films of the past couple years come to mind, one being Tom Blyth’s Plain Clothes. The trend of young male actors vying for queer roles has become increasingly common. It’s an easy route to popularity; play a gay man and be attractive and you’ll automatically become the queer community’s chosen idol of the month. Plain Clothes continues the streak of painfully melancholy films with its story centering on the common theme of shame and desire while trying to secretly pursue one’s sexuality. The film itself is unoffensive, it’s an okay story with some decent acting, however its general messaging is repetitive and ununique. 

The other example that applies here is Alexander Skarsgard and Harry Melling’s Pillion. Undeniably it is a better film than Plain Clothes, mostly because it dares to explore an area of homosexual lust that is often considered too gritty and outlandish for big-screen adaptation. The film centres on sub-dom, “leather” culture and how sexual desire has normalised a lack of emotional connection amongst gay men. The general messaging is quite peaceful yet still provoking, regardless though it still leaves a weight of sadness and unfulfillment and is no way a traditionally ‘happy’ film. More aggravating still, it further perpetuates the idea that gay relationships cannot function without some dilemma regarding intimacy or acceptance. Most films rely on the characters being insecure or overly lustful in order for their love to be considered engaging and overly complex. In my own opinion, the most accurate portrayals of queer male love are the ones that do not intentionally centre themselves to the relationship in the first place. Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock in speed have a romantic relationship that gay media should take inspiration from; they don’t have sex and they don’t hate themselves for loving each other, they just simply find a connection in a completely separate context to their relationship- who says two men can’t save a bus load of people whilst also finding each other attractive. I crave to gain more media where this level of simplicity applies for characters outside of the male and female dynamic.

The aim here is not to invalidate the experiences of many gay men’s struggle for acceptance and love. It’s true that a lot of relationships fail because of a lack of self confidence, or that many thrive because they are sexually ambitious. However, there is a large population of gay men who have lived years of a secure and self-accepted life that do not feel gratified by the glamorised tragedy. At some point there needs to be a purposeful reminder that gay relationships are not all characterised by diffidence or sexual libido, many are just typical love stories that could substitute the plot of any major romantic comedy- I’m sure out in the world there are plenty of gay men who can relate to 27 dresses and not just Brokeback Mountain, so lets start showing them.